


Homewrecker With a Heart of Gold

by homotrons



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Cheating, F/M, M/M, he doesn't get that for a while, i watch so few youtubers if we're all being honest here, someone's a lil homo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2014-07-26
Packaged: 2018-02-09 12:47:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1983558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/homotrons/pseuds/homotrons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil is a happily married man working as a real estate agent with a prank loving office buddy who really likes pizza and another coworker who really likes Phil. He never bothered to check his morals and ideas, he just skated through what he thought he wanted but he was about to have to do some serious fact checking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. At Least It's Not A Cubicle

**Author's Note:**

> yo i don't support cheating at all that's a real shitty thing to do but it's just a story and i'm trying to keep the consequences of it pretty realistic. not a songfic but it'd be rad if you listened to billy brown by mika because that inspired this a fair deal.

A giant cardboard box sat on the desk next to a potted pansy and water bottle. Inside the box was mouse pads and cords upon cords and every other office supply. Moving into a new office is always interesting. It was a shared office, one side for both workers. The other employee had a bulletin board with birthday cards and family photos stapled and tacked to it. There was a tv on the wall right next to the door hung up for both people to be able to view.

It was a good job. It wasn't the highest paying unless you were a sixty year old man who'd been there since the beginning but it was better than most. It was perfect in fact, Phil and his wife had just purchased a house and they were ready to fully start their life together. They didn't want kids quite yet but they were preparing for when they could. Phil's coworker on the other side of the room had two daughters and a wife of seven years. He wasn't that much older than Phil actually. 

Phil began unloading his keyboard and putting everything in drawers. His computer was in another box outside the door and he was practically going to be spending the day assembling the PC without getting an actual work done on it. He was one of the few employees who still had Vista. He didn't like it but it got the job done and if he was lucky, the office would pay to upgrade him to 7. He personally liked Macs a bit more but they ran nearly everything off of Microsoft programming so Apple was absolutely useless. 

"Hey, there's pizza in the break room," his coworker noted while spinning around in his chair with his feet on his desk. "You remember where the break room is right?" he craned his head backward. Phil hummed and nodded as a yes and finishing piling his countless amount of wires. He reached around the door and lugged in the desktop, making his arms temporarily ache causing him to stretch once more. He shoved it back facing forward into a doorless compartment under his desk and began hooking wires into ports.

At 12:30 after a good forty-five minutes of assembling his computer, he adjusted his tie and headed down to the break room to grab pizza. He was greeted by the stare of a man in large black glasses with Beatles style brown hair shoving left over crust into his mouth. Phil grabbed a plate with his right hand and scooped up a large slice of cheese pizza and placed it on top of the plastic plate. He began eating it slowly before the fellow employee took his somewhat creepy brown eyes off of him. 

"How are you doing, Brendon?" another brown haired man stepped into the room and immediately looked at the man in the corner with the glasses. He was far less creepy and had better cut hair. "Oh, who are you?" he asked awkwardly looking at Phil while picking out a slice of pizza.

"Phil, I just got started today," he said after swallowing his food. "Ah!" the other man said as he slid the food onto his plate with his right hand. "Nice to meet you, sorry if I seemed rude, I struggle talking to people I don't know," he self-consciously patted down his hair. 

"It's fine, I can be that way with people too," he explained so the other wouldn't feel bad. The three of them ate their pizza in relative silence and eventually the less-predatory looking brunette left to go back to working. Phil finished eating soon after and sighed upon the thought of continuing to out together his computer. He should've been done by now but he wasn't the most competent when it came to the actual components of computers. 

He slumped dramatically in his IKEA chair and turned a little. His computer was almost finished, he just didn't have the motivation to pull through. The company had IT, but apparently it never occurred to them that they could help with stuff like that. 

"How's that computer going?" his coworker asked from his desk. Phil finally decided to look at his name plate and learned his name was Mr. Liquori. 

"It's not," Phil moaned and poked at a loose wire with his foot. His stomach hurt mildly from the pizza and the day would be over in three hours. Mr. Liquori sighed with sympathy and said, "Bribe Chad downstairs, he's really good with that kind of stuff. Just offer him doughnuts and money." Phil laughed and bit and admitted he could finish himself before returning to his work. 

 

\------

At the end of the day his wife called while he was throwing away his coffee and walking to his car. "Hey, Annalise, how are you?" he said with the phone jammed uncomfortably between his ear and shoulder. 

_"I'm fine, more importantly how are you, Mr. First Day of Work? How did it go?"_ she asked anxiously. He shook his head a bit and smiled before answering, "Nothing really happened, I just set up my computer." He shoved his body up against the door in an attempt to open it while the receptionist smiled at him. He made sure to return the smile but that delayed and somewhat comprised his situation causing him to nearly trip on the step down outside of the door.

_"That's still good! Hey, I'm about to drop by the grocery store, do you need anything?"_ she asked in a happy tone while he unsuccessfully tried to open his car door. "Uh, orange juice and cereal?" He could almost hear her disapproving look when she said, _"I told you we need to limit the junk food."_

"I know, I know. Hey, can we talk at home? You know, they passed that law about cellphones and driving," he proposed. She agreed and they exchanged 'I love you's before he began the rather long drive home due to construction. They had received a new car as a wedding gift from her parents. They agreed he could use it for work and she would use her old car for errands and things like that. She mostly stayed at home since she and her friend produced soap and bath products. Phil didn't totally understand how it worked but he found it pretty cool with the exception of the fact that the kitchen was always covered in weird chemicals and trays. 

Her parents were rather wealthy, somewhat pretentious and nosy but it was easy to get past. They loved her with all their heart and gave her everything she wanted. Her mother was somewhat uncomfortable with her daughter's choice of spouse but never really expressed it beyond subtly rude responses and gross facial expressions and light comments in private with Annalise. She was also sixty years old so what did it matter? Annalise had a sister named Christine who had three children and a rich husband. They were very close and Phil had only met the children twice but they were rather wonderful. They weren't eager for kids themselves but he still liked them regardless. It did make him think about it though.

He decided to detour at the video store to grab a movie for himself one night when Annalise was asleep or away. He parked the silver SUV in front of it and walked in to be greeted by a cocked eyebrow of the employee at the counter. He was still in his suit and felt slightly out of place but still proceeded to the back where drama movies were. He scanned the titles and covers visibly wondering whether it was drama or horror before his eyes landed on the film he wanted answering that it was indeed drama. Annalise really didn't things like that but it wouldn't stop him from indulging in Anthony Hopkin's brilliant portrayal of Hannibal, now would it? 

Phil strolled to the front and put the film and ten dollars out awkwardly onto the checkout desk. The clerk raised his eyebrow again and scanned it before mumbling, "Here's your change." Phil quirked his mouth upward and nodded slightly and took the disc with him out to the car before taking off once again. His house was only a mile away. He grinned a bit at the thought of it being _his_ personal house where his life with his gorgeous wife would grow.

He narrowly parked the vehicle in the garage, forgetting the movie in the back, and walked in through the garage door. The blue Civic was opposite to the other car letting him know Annalise was home. He was greeted by her unloading groceries into the fridge. 

"Oh hi, honey!" she said giddily. He walked over and kissed her gently on the lips before helping put the food in its rightful place. "So, nothing happened at work?" she called from over her shoulder while stacking soup cans in the too high cabinet. He poured the fruit into a big bowl and answered, "We had pizza. That's about it." She laughed and told him that's still good. After finishing up, he went upstairs to shower and change clothes.

 

\------

 

"What's your name by the way," Phil asked while sitting at his now functioning computer, absolutely bored out of his mind. His coffee was almost as cold as his spirit at this point. He had been working non-stop for four days and now he wanted to rip his hair out which would suck considering how much works he puts into it, not that he would tell anyone that. 

"PJ," his office mate smiled and started throwing pens thoughtlessly and loudly at his bulletin board. He was just as irritated and dead inside, but he had much better ways of handling it. Phil nodded and didn't respond because he knew PJ already knew his name. He was just about to go throw away his coffee when one of the victims of PJ's stress coping mechanism burst through the door

"Goddamn it, Peej! Seriously, 'Two Girls One Cup'? What the fuck, is this four years ago?" he shouted. It was non-creepy brown haired man from the break room. the Pj giggled shamelessly at his peer's anger. "Talk about not safe for work," the man rolled his eyes. Both he and the perpetrator now chuckled a bit. "Oh hi, uh, Phil, right?" he asked awkwardly upon realizing they had company. "Yeah," Phil confirmed without any offense taken. 

"That's Dan, he's my favorite person to prank," PJ introduced his friend of sorts with his feet up on the desk. "Unfortunately," Dan sighed and laughed a bit.

"Hey, the next time I change your screensaver or put an inappropriate video on your computer, I promise you can go tell Brian down the hall to beat me up," PJ proposed seemingly sincerely. 

"I am not talking to Brian!" Dan said immediately.

"What's wrong with Brian?" PJ giggled. 

"Well I don't know, we're the same height and he still manages to look down at me and scare the everliving shit out of me! Plus, he'd probably get an erotic thrill out of hitting your scrawny little ass," Dan's eyes widened. "'M not scrawny," PJ mumbled. 

"Uh, who's Brian?" Phil interjected wanting to know a little bit about what they were talking about without seeming too invasive or weird. 

"The possible human embodiment of danger. His hair's longer than my mum's and one time he set his old files on fire in the middle of the cubicles! Apparently he once set another employee on fire. Like, what the hell?" Dan explained frantically. PJ chuckled to himself, "He has such an average name for such a not average personality." All three of them laughed and Dan exited upon the promise that he would avoid all contact with Brian at all costs. 

Phil returned to mindlessly putting together spreadsheets before pulling out his phone and texting his brother. He had recently gotten engaged to a pretty woman with a law degree. He was madly in love and it made Phil roll his eyes because he never thought it would happen, but he felt the same way about the most important woman in his life. Phil came home to see Annalise and her best friend Hillary in gloves messing around with different dyes. Their island was covered in unfinished bath bombs so he went through their routine of a kiss and him changing but instead he just stayed upstairs on his computer.


	2. All Work and No Play Makes Little Real Estate Agent Very Upset

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally a decent length chapter like wOW I’M FINALLY GETTING SO INTO THIS SHIT. LET’S FUCKING GO GUYS. LIKE I ALREADY KNOW WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN BUT that’s my problem. i fantasize about it too much and then i lose interest. honestly i don’t think that will happen this time which is awesome

Phil called his brother the next morning, or technically his brother called him. He was absolutely thrilled over his engagement and Phil was perfectly willing to discuss it with him. " _I don't know, she's just perfect, you know?_ " his brother exclaimed. Phil nodded and said, "I know how it feels. I'm really happy for you, Martyn."

" _Are you coming to the wedding?_ " he asked. Phil tapped his pen repeatedly on his desk and told him it would be crazy if he didn't. He could practically feel his older brother grinning on the other line and it felt great. "Isn't it amazing? To be honest, I always thought I'd be married before you," his brother laughed. "Look where we are now. It's crazy, I swear a few years ago, we were just overjoyed by the first playstation coming out and now we've got wives and fiances and jobs." Phil had never really thought about it, he just did what felt right. It was sort of weird when you remove yourself from a situation and simply observe it. "Do you really think you're soul dies when you get older?"

Phil was somewhat shocked. It was probably meant to just be a simple question but he just seemed so solemn. Maybe Phil's ears were playing tricks on him, and even if they were, there mist be a reason that they'd do that, like his subconscious tweaking things to make him reconsider what decisions he's made. He was happy so that didn't make any sense. "Um, I doubt it. I mean, it's when people constantly confine themselves and limit themselves that they become unhappy. They don't do what they want to and get further stuck in a loop of submission and just can't stop. It's like a never ending cycle."

"I'd never thought about it like that," Martyn said. "Mum and Dad's soul never really died and I feel great so that's why I was wondering," he let out a halfhearted chuckle. Phil smiled before glancing at his clock and panicking somewhat. "Hey, I've got to get back to work. Congratulations though, you really deserve it." His brother said goodbye and that's when PJ walked into their office. He immediately waltzed over to his desk like always before starting off conversation. He'd become rather friendly with Phil since he'd come to work for the company. 

"Who were you talking to?" he inquired while pressing the power button on his monitor. Phil stacked and straightened the pile of paperwork in front of him and sighing slightly. "My brother, he just got engaged." 

"I could tell," PJ said before clarifying, "I meant about the family member part; it was your tone of voice. Tell your brother your office mate said good job." Phil grinned and told him he would. Phil had to go look at listings for an old Italian man hoping to start a pizzeria for cheap. He wasn't all that excited, especially because the only really cheap places were old and probably haunted. He didn't want ghosts following him home over some balding guy named Antonio. PJ had someone ringing him so Phil took that as a chance to tell himself to buck up and start working on all those documents. 

He hated the legal system and property owning and property owners and the IRS and how it all worked together. It was so boring. That probably wasn't good since it was his job to work with things like that. If he had the opportunity, he probably would've become a journalist or newscaster or maybe an actor if he was getting really out their with his once dreams. Real estate paid though and he needed a pretty secure job. It wasn't that bad, he had an education. It could've been much worse he always reminded himself. 

He and Annalise actually met while they were at school. They were going to the same university and one of her friends introduced them. They went on dates together and Phil learned a little bit more about romance each time. He thought about her a lot, she was just such a constant figure and that made him feel safe. They loved each other and there was no other way to explain it. So naturally, on July 24th, 2011, they sealed the deal. 

Marriage is so weird the more you think about it. You and someone you love tell the government that you love each other and get rewards for it. It always made Phil feel kind of weird when he was younger because he didn't have romance as a top priority but now it was the best thing to happen to him. How does that even happen? He never questioned it because it made him feel good and no one disagreed or said they or their feelings were invalid. 

He really did like her a lot when they were in college. He was finally getting a hold on his life and what a better way to do that than swear you'll be with someone through everything until you're both six feet under. It scared him deeply thinking about what life would be like if someone like Annalise wsn't there for him. He was terrified of death because of it, no matter how much he believed when you die there's no after party, he didn't want to be alone nor have his wife suffer through that pain. He pondered whether the reason elderly widows passed without a struggle was because they couldn't live without their spouse.

He was still so young though, they both were. He was merely twenty-four and she was only a year behind, how could he worry so much about these things? What if they never miss each other when one dies because they stop caring for each other. That was ultimately more terrifying. Marriage's is so weird, he kept on thinking while studying property owner's rights. You basically restrict your own freedom because of how strong your emotions are toward another human being. It was a restriction so many were willing to take, but is it necessary? It seemed like everyone grew up being told the only true level of devotion was marriage. You may have people slipping through your fingers left and right but you will eventually meet one person to block off every other opportunity because you are so confident you made the right one. 

His head was hurting from all the paperwork and overthinking. He rubbed his temples with his hands and his phone screened flashed with a message notification from Annalise. It read "When can you be home? Christine and Mark want to plan a visit later tonight". _Goddamn it,_ he thought whether it be from the frustration of his whole work situation or the fact that he didn't really want them to come over. He typed back "probably five thirty sixish" and stood up to go grab some ibuprofen. His forehead was sweating so he pushed his hair to the side and hoped no one would enter the break room.

He pulled the white generic bottle from the old matching white cabinet and briefly fussed with the child safety. He somewhat daringly took three pills instead of the recommended two. He put them on his tongue and quickly grabbed a paper cup and haphazardly let the water pour out at the highest rate the cooler would allow, letting some drip over the top onto his hand. He drank it as soon as he could when Dan came in to see Phil with a wet hand and dripping puffed out cheeks. Phil quickly dried off his mouth with his black tie and gulped down the water. 

"Having some trouble there?" Dan cocked on eyebrow at his coworker. Phil blushed and laughed a bit before saying, "Nope, thanks though." They both smiled and Dan put the pills back in the cabinet while Phil grabbed a paper towel to wipe off his hand before realizing just washing them both in the sink would be a better idea. The cold water ran over his fingers before he wiped them off and turned back around to face Dan. "Sorry about that, my head hurts and I still have a truckload of paperwork to do."

"It's fine, I get it. I'm assuming PJ has something similar happening since my desktop has been perfectly intact for a whole three days," he smirked. Phil confirmed that and they both stood there in a relaxing silence before Phil waved goodbye and returned to see he had a new message from two minutes ago. "That's probably too late honey! Do you have to do it all today" it said. He decided fighting would be the worst option and just told her he'd make it home by five and only go look at two listings. Maybe it was for the best, maybe small kids and family could get him out this work funk.

 

\------

 

The work funk remained and his mood was only getting worse. Christine was being a bitch, Mark was utterly useless and little bubbles of emotion without enough to development to know how people thought and what behavior would be good or bad wasn't good for someone who considered stabbing himself in the neck with a pen. He just didn't get it, usually he was so happy around the children and at least bared and coped with Christine. How had work gotten to him that bad? Some of the stuff at university was much worse than what he was doing in real estate. Was it being an a new environment? It wasn't that bad but he just didn't know. 

Everyday the soap on the countertop was getting more annoying. Everyday having an alert whenever Annalise uploaded a Facebook photo of her and a friend or her new blouse was getting more annoying. Everyday he just found everything he once loved to be getting a little old. It was like when you find a new song, you love it and play it over and over and tell yourself to stop so you don't get tired of it, but you can't stop and slowly, you keep hitting skip when it comes on and getting sick of it's chorus that you've heard so many times. But sometimes, the song and you just drift apart for a bit and one day it comes on and you listen to it and realize that it's still great, you just couldn't handle it always in your ears all day. He definitely wasn't considering divorce or anything like that, no, not at all, but maybe he needed a little more friends and a little less wife's family and maybe even a little less wife. See, marriage wasn't a restriction that said you could only spend time with your spouse and those associated with them.

He knew that when you get married, you drift away a bit and you and your partner start meeting people together more than you do on your own, but it never real hit him until he was sitting resigned at the kitchen table while his pasta boiled. His good friend Chris would be flying in to the states soon to visit, but he never even bothered thinking about the fact that they'd be making real contact for the first time in almost a year. They Facebook messaged and sometimes texted and called on holidays but that was about it. How do you get so pulled under that those things just slip right past you like old romantic partners? Is part of marriage letting everything slide until you're out of things to lose? He didn't think so but it sure got him thinking. 

"How's that food going?" Mark sat next to Phil with a beer. Mark wasn't the smartest and Phil knew that, he was sort of like a brick with inherited math skills. Phil waved his hand loosely and said, "It's going. Might taste like the ocean because of all the salt, but it's still cooking." Mark nodded and sighed an 'oh'. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to come off hostile, it's just that I've had a real long day at work and I've got to go find locations for some old Italian guy."

"It's alright, I know how you feel," Mark nodded. For whatever reason, Phil believed Dan a bit more when he said the same thing earlier. Phil was still in his work clothes and the room was steaming. He couldn't change since Mark was wearing a suit and Christine had her nice new dress and earrings on. He almost hoped he would turn into a werewolf as an excuse for literally tearing off his dress clothes. Annalise and Christine were talking on the deck while the kids hung out by the fountain and played tag. It was pitch dark outside and he wasn't looking forward to going outside in the landscape lights between two sisters conversing with kids nearby just to grab the corn. He considered asking Mark before deciding that seemed somewhat rude and out of line and just did it himself. 

"Oh hello, Phil!" his wife greeted him happily. He made a half assed wave back by shaking his fingers a bit before grabbing an oven mitt like rag and scooping up with corn onto a plate. "How's it going?" Christina asked in her perfect Kim Kardashian-esque squeaky voice. 

"It's alright," he said quietly before getting back into the house as quickly as possible and unwrapping the tin foil off of the corn. He was more than glad that Mark was in the toilet so he could finish cooking without any annoying in laws interjecting. He snatched a colander from the bottom drawer next to the sink and lazily stuck it in the other side of the sink and grabbing a rag to protect his hands while he poured out the noodles. He didn't bother throwing one at the wall because he knew they were a little mushy and very salty. He dumped uneven measures of spaghetti sauce in the bowls and scooped out the noodles and told Mark after he came out of the restroom to tell everyone that dinner was ready. 

They all sat down at the table, Phil feeling like his shirt was going to suffocate him. The youngest of the children sat on Christine's lap within arm's reach of her wine glass. He was trying not to simply down the whole thing just to avoid accident with the child and because he needed something. He really didn't enjoy alcohol and knew it wasn't a solution but his exhausted mind didn't agree. 

"The pasta's a little overdone, Phil," Christine commented. "I know," Phil responded quietly, more to himself than her. He was never an amazing chef, he just picked up on things from his mother and her cooking shows. He already knew Christine was drunk so who cared? Annalise and her sister seemingly continued their conversation from the deck like nothing had ever happened and Mark made very small meaningless attempts to help with the kids. 

Mark actually helped clean up dinner which sped it up a little bit even if it was just a constant cycle of asking where stuff was. Mark didn't just think like a brick, he was also sort of shaped like one meaning that Phil wasn't really enjoying being bumped into by a 6'4 270 lbs. man without any clue what he was doing. Eventually after around ten o' clock, they left and it was just Phil and Annalise kind of cuddling on the couch. Really she just had her head on his ribs.

"That was fun. Their kids always make me wonder if I want kids or not and how I would raise them," she told him obviously as a hint of sorts. "Hm," he sighed, "I don't really want kids. For now at least. They're just a lot of work and I'd obviously love them but they'd need to be taken care of properly." 

"Oh," she seemed upset. "I get it. That's fine." He nodded and kissed her on the head just to assure her that he still loved her despite it. They stopped talking about it and ended up going upstairs and having surprisingly boring intercourse that thankfully had no chance of offspring as a result. Maybe your spirit doesn't die, it just dims because reality wants to be your top priority again. 

 

\------

 

Phil didn't sleep at all night and he heard news from PJ that board directors were coming in today. He had only made it through two listings which was stressing him the fuck out, he knew it wasn't like anyone would say anything since it's his client, but he didn't like the idea of doing something wrong. Truthfully, he still didn't totally know what was going on. The real estate market didn't make a whole lot of sense but it wasn't especially hard to figure out what parts are down are worth more and how to sell a client, the problem was how much more complicated it was and he was just sort of skidding through. He had his license in two states though, it wasn't like he just accidentally landed a job. It didn't change the fact that it wasn't like real estate just called him, he ran to it just so he had money and knew what he was doing at least a little bit.

He sighed to himself before walking down the hall to go grab coffee. His eyes burned and he was somewhat regretting wearing contacts even though his glasses were right on his desk. He looked in through the break room door a bit to see that there was a big sloppily written out of order note slapped onto the coffee machine. He groaned and decided he wasn't just going to try to drag by on two hours of sleep and began the rather long walk past the cubicles to the next break area. It wasn't really a full out room but it was still usable and had some food. It seemed like half of the inhabitants of the cubicles were panicking and the other half were too dead to think.

Phil's stiff shoulder rubbed up against something. He looked up what felt like three feet when it wasn't anything at all. He knew why it felt like he was being towered over, he had bumped into Brian. "The office arsonist" he soon learned was what people liked to call him. He knew it was him because of his general energy and it seemed like by his appearance he'd be the kind of guy to set things on fire in the middle of work. He wasn't that scary looking though, he had really long black hair and an almost diamond shaped head. He didn't have eyebrows but Phil didn't judge.

"Sorry," Phil mumbled and picked up his pace. "It's fine," Brian said and turned around. Phil almost felt bad, he didn't think that man could possibly have feelings but maybe he did. Maybe Phil was just overthinking everything because he was afraid of being observed and his brain was fried. His hands shook when he started brewing his pot of coffee and he had to lean on the counter a bit to feel balanced. He didn't know why people's lives had to revolve around work. It made him upset to think people just waste their lives away and mentally give up more and more everyday because that's all they can afford to do. 

He took his flimsy paper cup of coffee back to his office and slouched back in his chair. PJ was frantically typing in something on his computer and people were pacing outside the door. Phil tapped the power button on the top of his phone to check his notifications and all that came up was that Annalise had a new picture on Instagram. She had a nice new dress on in the photo. Apparently she and her friend had bought it while out shopping. It suited her well. 

They all sat in the office in silence, praying to be shot so they wouldn't have to deal with whatever they had coming. Dan peeped his head through their door a bit when PJ waved him in. He shut the door lightly behind him and exhaled loudly. The other two did the same afterward. Phil had learned that since Dan was one of the youngest folks in the building who wasn't an intern, he was working in one of the cubicles down the hall. No wonder he was afraid of Brian, they were always in relatively close quarters.

"How's it going guys?" he asked. "Sounds like you guys probably have it harder since you're you know, in charge of money and selling shit." They both laughed a bit and nodded. "I should probably get going but I just wanted to drop by because everyone out there is fucking crazy. Well, um, good luck I guess!" he said before slipping back into the frenzy of overworked employees. 

"You alright?" PJ asked from across the room. Phil nodded and sighed a bit. It seemed like college all over again. It was crazy how no one took any time for people's overall health. Obviously no one was having an aneurysm over some big shots coming in to check up on them, but they were practically hamsters that got told it was the only way to live and that they were contributing to society. "It's whacked." Phil nodded again to what his coworker said.

"Hey, at least the air conditioning's working again," Phil joked. PJ smiled and they both went back to solemnly waiting for the worst. Phil's coffee was only had gone and still hot so he returned to sipping it to pass the time. He debated whether or not to mess around on his phone before concluding that anyone important wouldn't really be delighted to see that. He elected instead to doodle on his notepad like he was writing down something important. 

After around five minutes, a short elderly man with a stomach that pooled far over his slacks came in. They couldn't tell if he was annoyed or if his face was permanently shaped so he looked like he was scowling. Phil immediately slapped down his notepad onto his desk and placed his pen in the front pocket of his shirt. The man crinkled his eyebrows a bit and walked around by Phil's desk since that was the first thing you could see when you walked in. He leaned over to see Phil's drawing of a lion with little stars and hearts decorating the background along with straight lines for grass. He just looked up at Phil with possibly the most soulless expression Phil had ever seen. 

"How long have you been here?" he asked. "I've only been working here for a little more than a week," Phil answered with embarrassment very heavily set in his tone. He looked up at his name tag and it read Mr. Truett. He left Phil's desk soon enough and went over to go interrogate PJ. It was turning out far more like one of those days at school where potential parents of students would watch the class than it was a big formal investigation to see if you were suitable to continue doing what you were doing. Mr. Truett walked back to the door before saying, "I'll make sure you two don't mess up your duties to this company." He then forcefully scowled at them and left. 

"We call him Crusty," PJ said after the three seconds of stillness in the room since the board director left. Phil burst out laughing before covering his mouth and curling up in his chair. "You can't say stuff like that!" he exclaimed while PJ simply smirked. 

 

\------

 

Dan and Phil had begun spending more time together as work went on. Dan was always there to provide funny insight whenever they were stressed. He had a very ironic sense of humor that Phil needed to hear when he was feeling frustrated or overworked. He was so immersed in serious things that hearing someone turn that seriousness around made him feel much better. 

He and Dan started texting throughout the day. It was mostly dumb things like a picture of a cat with bread stuck on its head or maybe a bad joke. Dan was actually into some similar stuff to Phil such as TV shows they watched when they were fourteen and the fact that they both had myspace accounts that they were unfortunately very active on. They never delved into anything too personal which was nice. Phil needed some friends that he could just be relaxed around and not worry about overstepping boundaries or wandering into an unwanted emotional hole that no one was supposed to enter. PJ continued to play pranks on Dan but they all got along pretty well. 

Phil and Dan were hanging out in the break room again when Phil asked if Dan would come and look at those other listings with him. "Sure," he said gleefully. "If you don't mind me asking, why couldn't you get them done yesterday? I mean I'm totally fine with going, I'm just curious." 

"No, it's fine," Phil readjusted his hair. "My wife's sister and her husband and kids decided they wanted to make s surprise visit and that meant cooking and whatnot." Dan nodded and made an 'o' shape with his mouth and looked down at his friend's left hand. His wedding ring was just a thick gold ring but it was definitely there. He found it interesting how much a little band of metal around a finger could tell so much about a person. 

"Sounds like a lot of work," Dan commented lamely. "It is. I mean it's fine, but it is a lot of work on such short notice," Phil explained. He reached to his left side and grabbed his car keys before saying they should probably get going. They rode the elevator down to the main floor where the receptionist waved as they left like she did with everyone everyday. Phil's car was parked right outside. Dan didn't have a car so he had to ride the bus every morning which wasn't the most sanitary but it worked. 

"How did you score a spot that good?" Dan asked as he strapped himself into the passenger seat. Phil grinned and said, "I'm not sure to be honest." He pushed the key into the ignition and watched Dan glance over at his CDs. "Pick whichever one you want, I don't care." Dan smiled a bit and settled on a compilation disk of what was essentially 2007 for him. Dan was careful not to touch anything the whole ride and Phil wasn't sure if it was out of fear or politeness.

"So who's this listing for?" Dan inquired while lazily looking through the window. They had been driving for twenty minutes and were approaching the beat down more crime ridden part of town. "An old Italian immigrant who wants to start a pizzeria." Dan propped his elbow up on the door panel and dropped his head onto his hand. 

"I've never actually had real Italian pizza," Dan confessed. Phil almost gasped before saying, "H  
Are you serious? How could that be? I'm so disappointed." Dan rolled his eyes and laughed. "That's it, eventually I'm going to make you eat some whether that be by going out for dinner or simply shoving it down your throat. It is amazing, I swear to god." 

"Fine, I'll eat some!" Dan smiled. "Call me when your client gets his shit together so I can eat some." Phil pulled up in front of an empty storefront in a shopping center with sign saying it's available to lease next to a beat up nail salon and video store. He and Dan stepped out of the car and walked up to the glass door and peered in. Phil pulled out a key from his pocket and unlocked it so they could go inside. He swung the door open and they walked inside to see nasty grey carpet covering the vacuous entry way. "This doesn't exactly look like somewhere you could build a restaurant out of," Dan cocked an eyebrow. 

"Yeah, I know. The layout looked better on paper. Luckily, we've got another listing to go look at. I can show you the other floor plans if you'd like," Phil offered. 

 

\------

 

By the end of the day, they'd finished what was to be done and Phil drove Dan home. He lived in an apartment built in the 80's with nasty looking green paint and rotting fence but it was still suitable. There were geese and ducks everywhere he looked, it was kind of nice. He thought maybe one of the reasons so many people lived there was because of how nice the nature was around them. It certainly calmed Phil down. He eventually drove home and planned to sleep for sixteen hours. 

He was about to drop like a corpse into bed when he got a text from Chris. _Fuck._ He forgot how soon he was actually flying in. He was going to have to pick him up at the airport at three on Friday. He groaned and set up notifications on his phone and email and walked downstairs to tell Annalise. She seemed rather excited which was nice but it still didn't change how swamped with work he was and how off track his timing was. 

He felt like he'd lost so much time. He almost missed being at school and knowing that no matter how stressed you got, there would be a party that night to make you forget it all. He actually didn't do a whole lot of partying at the time but he wished had that option now. He somewhat envied how Annalise hadn't changed a bit since college. It was comforting in a sense, his world could be totally thrown of balance and spinning at a higher speed than he could handle and she'd still be there, a good constant in his life. He really did love her, but really only negative thoughts had been the present ones at the time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woot woot bitches


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shit starts happening next chapter so get prepared

Phil was finally feeling better since they went out and looked at those listings. He'd finally accomplished something and was less swamped with work because of it. Going to look at them with Dan definitely helped. He was calming and really helped reduce the feeling of wishing to rip out hair for Phil. It was a really nice thing to have. 

"Fancy," PJ smirked as he came in to work. Phil decided to go grab Starbucks on his way to work so he wouldn't have to deal with bad break room coffee for once. He set his keys and cup down onto his desk and turned on his monitor. His mood was significantly better than it had been so he had a feeling he was going to get a lot more done. He opened up Excel and his email and got to work.

After around fifteen minutes Dan opened the door and slid down the wall under the tv. His shirt was sweaty and he looked out of breath. "What's wrong?" Phil asked. Dan exhaled and said, "The air conditioning in my apartment's broken." He looked absolutely exhausted. 

"I'm sorry Dan," Phil said sincerely. "Is there anywhere else you can stay?" Dan shook his head and said, "Probably not." Phil let out a hum to signal he was thinking about what to do.

"Maybe you could bunk with me until it all gets fixed?" Phil offered unsurely. Dan's eyes lit up and he thanked his friend. "It's no problem, I just need to make sure my wife's not doing anything that would mess with that. I doubt it but," he said before pulling out his phone and making a quick text to Annalise about it. "How long do you think it'll be before it gets fixed?"

"Probably a few days." Phil nodded and waited for his wife to reply. She took a few minutes to respond and it just said "That's fine but remember Chris is coming on friday". He thanked her and told his friend it was fine if he stayed over. It was sort of funny, he felt like a twelve year old asking if he and his friend could have a sleepover. Dan thanked him for the umpteenth time before leaving to go back to work so he wouldn't get in trouble.

At lunchtime, Phil walked over to Dan's cubicle and asked if he wanted to grab lunch with him. The younger one was startled a bit at first before realizing who it was and then accepted the invitation with a wide smile. He quickly finished typing up whatever he was working on before saying he'd just put it off till later like a kid doing a book report. Phil thought it was sort of cute. They decided on going to a little pasta place down the street.

They both hopped into Phil's car where Dan began going through his CDs again. Phil smiled and waited for him to decide what he wanted to listen to before backing out of the parking lot. It was actually pretty common for people to go out for lunch but he had become so swamped in work that he'd just make a sandwich or breakfast burrito from the break room everyday. He'd told himself he'd go out for lunch one day but he never did so it was nice to finally do it with a friend. Dan seemed pretty excited too so Phil was a bit happier. 

They only made it through one track before the car was stopped in the restaurant parking lot. The establishment was old and had been around for longer than the two of them combined. It had that old family feel that was nice but almost intimidating in a sense. They were greeted by a young man with a mustache and short black hair and led to their table. There were only two other tables being used but it felt good to not be surrounded like people since that was mostly what their day consisted of.

There was a lot of natural light shining in on them from the large windows and french doors at the front of the room where they entered. Dan looked completely enthralled upon getting a menu and insisted on paying for himself. Phil told him it wasn't necessary and he invited him anyway but it all seemed to go through one ear and come out the other. There were flowers in the middle of the table like it was Valentine's Day but it only helped the space feel more lively and comfortable. A waitress came by and filled up their glasses with iced water. 

"This is so nice," Dan commented seeming totally wonderstruck by the whole place. Phil thought it was sort of funny since it really wasn't anything special that they hadn't seen before, but it had a nice feel to it. "Yeah. Have you decided what you'd like to eat?" Phil responded. Dan shook his head. "You sure?" 

"Pesto pasta sounds good," Dan said. Phil nodded and looked up to see if a waiter was near by or coming in their direction. Phil could feel his stomach grumbling and it started to hurt a bit. He didn't know how he had been practically starving himself that past week. His eating schedule was totally out of whack and it hadn't really occurred to him to fix it or even notice it since he had more important things on his mind. 

"Have you folks decided on what you'd like to eat?" a young woman with a bouncy yellow ponytail came by with a notepad. Phil grinned and told her what he wanted. Dan hesitated a bit and finally answered but a bit quietly at that. "Could you repeat that sir?" she asked. 

"Pesto pasta," he said slightly louder. She nodded and jotted it down before walking back to the kitchen. They sat in silence for a bit, just taking in the environment before they realized they should probably unfold their silverware. Dan immediately stuck his napkin on his lap and set out his utensils on his left side. The ice in Phil's water had nearly melted so he just hoped that it wasn't too warm before putting it to his lips. It was a bit warm but he opted to just drink a bunch so the waiter would just pour in more ice and water. 

"So, what's your wife like?" Dan asked awkwardly. "Because you know, I'm going to be staying with you guys and all." He pushed at his fork with his ring finger and made eye contact with himself through the spoon's reflection. Phil contemplated how to answer because he'd never actually be asked that. Really, he wasn't sure how to explain her. She was just Annalise, a ray of sunshine of sorts for him. How could he explain her personality to someone who had never met her? 

"Um, she's really sweet. She makes soap with her friend for a living. It's sort of annoying because it's on our kitchen counter but I can't complain because she obviously cares a lot about it. She really likes shopping and looking pretty for herself. It's really great to be around someone like that I guess," he explained. Dan nodded a bit and smiled almost solemnly at his plate. Phil wasn't sure if it was that or he was just nervous or didn't know what to say. "I think you'll really like her. You'll have to deal with my poor cooking or takeaway though." Dan smiled widely causing the same reaction from Phil. 

"I'm sure it'll be fine," he assured Phil. "You guys don't have kids, right? I know PJ does but I wasn't totally sure about you." 

"Nope," Phil almost scoffed. The thought of kids lately was becoming a really bitter one. They always sounded like something he might eventually have but he was really reconsidering. He could handle other people's kids but he just wasn't sure if raising his own was something he wanted. He knew Annalise had that motherly instinct of her's but he was also thinking that maybe why she'd been bringing it up lately was because her mother and sister were so pushy and both had kids young. He knew that once you turn 35, your chances of having a child with Downs Syndrome went way up, but she still had over ten years to go before that would happen. Her family really glorified pregnancy and she never really bothered to question it which was bothering Phil. "Nope, I'm waiting. Maybe we will in the future, but it's just not for us now, you know?" 

"I get it. One of my cousins I used to be close with when I was younger just had a kid and our family's been pretty annoying about it. I'm happy for him but it's just not something I find that interesting," Dan said. 

"My parents actually decided to not have another child after me because I was a little demon. I used to just stand in my parents' room in the middle of the night and stare at them. Like how weird is that?" Phil exclaimed. Dan chuckled, "My brother's in middle school and my parents have been saying hoe glad they are they didn't have another kid."

"Parents can be so rude sometimes," Phil giggled. "But true," Dan added. Phil nodded in agreement and quieted down a bit upon noticing the waiter coming with a pitcher of ice water. Dan looked as if he had just realized he had water in the first place and began sipping it as the waiter refilled his friend's glass. Phil thanked him and felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. 'Sorry' he mouthed to Dan as he checked it. It was a photo of his brother and his new fiancé. Phil's mouth quirked upward a little bit. 

"My brother just got engaged," he elaborated. "Yeah, I remember the feeling. I've never actually met his wife because they still live in the UK." 

"Oh, that's cool. When's the wedding?" Dan asked. "Not sure, probably sometime in November," Phil replied. He knew he was going. He was really happy for his brother and glad that he could sympathize and knew how he was feeling. It was possibly the greatest feeling Phil had ever experienced. Being so close to someone and knowing you were only going to get closer and pretty much spend your lives together felt great. 

"What does being married like even feel like I guess?" Dan questioned. "I've never really been involved with someone enough to consider that to be honest." Yet another question Phil didn't know how to answer. He really didn't know how to explain something so intangible to someone. 

"It's pretty great. It's mostly just being secure. It's that you can love someone so much that you will say that they are the only person that's going to matter that much to you and you will allow to matter that much to you. I'm really glad I did it, I just feel like I've gotten so old so fast though. My brother's older than me and I was the first one to get married. I don't know, maybe I've lost a little bit of that recklessness of youth or something," Phil cut himself off before he got too personal. Dan laughed sadly, "Yeah. I feel kind of weird worked all day in a real estate office while all of my friends are at uni or doing little jobs like waiting tables or working in retail." 

"I don't know, retail's pretty hard." Phil clicked his tongue. 

"I actually lost one of my jobs in retail for selling an axe to a ten year old," he admitted with his eyes being covered by his hands. Phil thought that was absolutely hilarious and laughed profusely until the waitress from earlier dropped off their food. Phil dug his fork into his pasta and twirled it before saying, "Oh my goodness."

"Yeah, this is the only job I've had a really okay experience with," Dan said still smiling. "Care to elaborate?" Phil cocked his eyebrow and then internally died upon thinking back on some of his experiences. Dan visibly shook and declined the request. They ate their pasta with few words so they could get back to work on time and because there wasn't a whole lot to talk about. Taking Dan out to lunch had significantly improved his mood. He was really fun to be around and just helped him relax which was what he was really needing.

Dan had scraped his bowl clean and Phil shut him up when the bill came around. He signed it immediately and left his credit card at the top. Dan scowled a bit but he wasn't one to decline free food when the other person was so insistent on giving it to him. The waitress took it and returned it quickly and without any problem leaving them perfectly fine to leave. They exited through the french doors and were told to have a nice day by the same man who greeted them on the way in.

It was 12:45 when they came back at the office meaning they made it back in perfect time. Phil returned to his office where PJ was mindlessly watching the news. He made mental preparation about having Dan stay over. He knew Annalise wouldn't have any problem with it but he was still worried. He was starting to understand that his overthinking and worrying ahead of time was becoming a real problem. 

 

\------

 

They dropped by Dan's apartment beforehand where the AC was indeed broken. They were both practically panting by time they got back in the car. Dan just grabbed some work clothes and a pair of pajamas or two and a toothbrush. He had realized he'd left his straightener in the bathroom at home in the middle of the car ride and prayed that either Phil or his wife had one. It seemed likely, but he would probably die if they didn't own one.

Annalise was home when they arrived and was quick to greet them. She studied Dan a bit before saying anything. "Phil's only told me a bit about you, but I'm glad you're staying here instead of an apartment with no cold air," she said. Phil mentally sighed in relief. "I'm glad he's made some friends since we've move here."

"You sound like my mum," Phil joked. She rolled her eyes and asked if Dan wanted anything to eat. He said he was fine for the time being and she made sure he knew that it was always fine if he decided to grab something from the kitchen. Phil led his friend upstairs to show him the guest room. "Here's the room, the bathroom's just the door next to this one."

"Thanks," Dan said while briefly scanning the room. "It means a lot, really." Phil looked at him from the side and could tell how sincere he was. "It's really no problem, trust me, I wouldn't invite you into my house if I didn't like you," he tried to assure Dan. Dan smiled softly and set his bag down on the chair next to the door. Phil left and went back downstairs.

Annalise was sitting on the couch reading a magazine. He plopped down next to her and glanced over at what she was reading. She was really into renovations and gardening so it didn't surprise him that she was looking at photos of refurbished armchairs and hybrid spring plants. She'd be bugging him about getting a garden started and all he could do was remind her that they didn't have any room to garden. It made him a little sad since it was something she grew up doing and enjoyed so much.

"Dan seems nice," she said mindlessly while flipping a page, "sort of reminds me of you." He laughed and she looked up from her magazine to join him. "Maybe it's the hair and voice," she thought out loud. "Kind of a cute fellow," Annalise tucked her husband's hair behind his left ear. 

"So you like ex-Myspace losers with accents?" he asked in a jokingly seductive tone. She giggled and nodded. He still wasn't sure how she married him or even started dating him or merely looked at him. She was gorgeous and he was just a dork with emo hair and not much had changed about that since school. He thought back to long nights where he ordered pizza and shamefully downloaded movies illegally and they had phone sex that left him uncomfortably trying to sleep but never actually doing it. He was just a horny college boy who didn't know how a person could do that to another person. 

That was an interesting time. He was always struggling to be as romantic as possible as Annalise was his first super serious girlfriend and she just played along with it. He had really won as far as spouses go. He was really needing to remind himself that lately. She was perfect all in the ways he needed it; she always listened, liked animals, and put up with his dorkiness. He didn't think he compared and was always afraid of her leaving for someone better. 

She excused herself to go to the bathroom and he was left alone on the couch. He just sat and thought about things. He didn't feel like turning on the tv and was actually just too lazy to. He was constantly trying to be grateful for how amazing their marriage was, but the honeymoon stage was wearing off and he could feel it. They'd actually had their honeymoon three years prior but they were always in that sort of mentality. He was always so concerned they had gotten married too early and that it was going to turn out poorly. He thought he had proven himself wrong, but he was feeling like that idea of perfect happiness and eternal peace was getting further and further away and he just couldn't catch it.

It was weighing him down and he felt like it was only him who it was bothering and not Annalise. She noticed how stressed he was, but she still seemed to be just as affectionate as they were when he told her he wanted to spend his life with her. Maybe it was just that she was perfect and he was still so insecure about himself. Just to be safe, he told himself that so he wouldn't keep overthinking things and eventually do something he'd regret. 

"Do you want to watch a movie?" she returned from her visit to the restroom. His head snapped up from his hand that he had been staring at for quite some time. "Oh, no, thanks though. I should probably get started on dinner," he said.

"Okay, I'm going to go take a bath then," she waved slightly and walked up the stairs. He lifted himself off of the couch and went into the kitchen to start the stove. He checked his phone before he grabbed the chicken since that would be a serious sanitation problem. There was text from Dan that said "what's the wifi password??" He chuckled at it a bit and answered him then shoved him phone down his pocket so he could go grab the chicken breasts from the fridge. He debated whether or not to cut them into pieces and eventually decided that they could just do that with the whole breast after it's cooked. 

Dan came downstairs when he was chopping rosemary and getting frustrated about whether or not to cook the brussels sprouts before the couscous. Phil turned around when he saw his friend and smiled. "Hey," he greeted. Dan blushed and bit and said, "Sorry I didn't come down earlier, I get sort of nervous around your wife since I don't know her. It's stupid, I know." 

"No, it's not stupid at all. Hey, do you want to help with something?" Phil asked while lazily covering the chicken in rosemary. Dan nodded. "Okay, could you go grab some butter out of the fridge? It's at the very top of the left door. Then take that pan that's just kind of sitting on the stove and turn it on low and throw the butter in it. That's it, you just have to wait until it browns." Dan followed instructions and almost tripped while trying to reach the butter which was funny because he was at eye level with it. 

"Oh my god, I haven't done anything in the kitchen that doesn't involve a microwave, I'm sorry," Dan explained while watching the sizzling butter. "No, it's fine! You haven't messed up at all and even then, it really doesn't matter," Phil said. "I'm not a great cook to be honest, I just google it and hope for the best."

"Obviously you're good enough that you're cooking for other people," Dan rolled his eyes. Phil laughed, "I guess." Dan was satisfied with the point he'd successfully made. He didn't like others feel bad about themselves or using self deprecation as a form of regular communication. It was ironic in the sense that that was all he really did. He was so worried about staying with Phil because somehow he felt like he was going to fuck up and lose Phil as a friend or just generally do something wrong no matter what it could be. Phil was so welcoming and friendly and Dan knew he just couldn't compare. 

 

\------

 

Dinner went by rather smoothly. Afterward, Dan left to go shower and Annalise and Phil went upstairs to prepare for bed considering how long dinner took. They had lay on their bed for a while, not really doing anything. Annalise always joked about how skinny her husband was and he had considered trying to gain weight work out many times but never ended up doing it. Annalise was a rather thin girl herself, she'd always been very proportionate for her height and still managed to stay healthy. She ate very well as a child and made sure to carry that on into adulthood. 

She stroked Phil's chest lightly with her left pointer finger. "I still don't get why you wear pajamas and shirts to bed," she commented. "It's just that I've always been around men who sleep in their boxers or something like that." He sighed and said, "I'm not sure, I've always just liked going to bed like this." She had a strong preference to nightgowns and much to his delight while he was in college she also slept naked occasionally. That night she was clothed though, much to his delight since he had someone staying with them.

He wasn't sure what was wrong, but he was almost losing interest in her physical appearance as of late. She was magnificent looking, just absolutely gorgeous but he was still pretty neutral to it. He knew his parents had a very active sex life even after they had kids which made him gag thinking about, but he was only in his twenties and wasn't having the same luck. Annalise always smelled really nice and generally acted sensual and affectionate, but it just wasn't getting him nearly as much as it used to. He was really stumped. He wasn't ever a very sexual person though. He could never watch porn because he knew how fake it was and it was just so unappealing. 

They dozed off soon enough and he didn't remember anything he dreamt about other than that he was confused and a little horny in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg sorry about the first few paragraphs i had them written but somehow i deleted them?? what do idk


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok stuff actually starts happening in this chapter woohoo. i really need a thesaurus but you probably already knew that. this was written so late at night omg

It was Saturday meaning there wasn't any work that day. Annalise had agreed to go to brunch with her sister and do some window shopping but that was about it. It was nine a.m. when they woke up and she didn't have to leave till ten. They cuddled for a bit, she seemed perfectly content but oh no, Phil was horny. He didn't know why and it was really bothering him. He never got like that anymore but apparently that morning was an exception. 

He never had any kinks honestly. He just liked the intimacy of sex and the feeling of having something touch his dick. They'd never done anything out of the ordinary by a long shot. He was never the guy to ask for anal sex because he knew that it would only be pleasure for the man and it just grossed him out. That hole was definitely not for penetration. Oddly enough, he was thinking about it a bit that morning. He wasn't going to ask about it, but he was thinking.

"Have you ever had some really weird boyfriends?" he blurted out. "Like ones that were just into some really weird stuff?" She looked up thinking and answered, "Yeah. I dated a guy with a foot fetish, it was so creepy." He nodded and exhaled. 

"Did you know that the nerves to the genitals and feet are very close together? Apparently that might be the reason people have foot fetishes and why they're so common," he said mindlessly. He'd just heard it on Google but he thought it was pretty cool in scientific way. She sighed loudly, "Please don't tell me you have a foot fetish." 

"Oh, no, no, I just thought it was interesting," he frantically tried to explain. She giggled a bit, "Do you have any fetishes?" They'd been married for years and had never had this conversation. He told her no confidently. He was the most boring person sexually ever he admitted to himself. That was fine though, he didn't need to be sexual and just wasn't. He liked being close with his wife but they didn't do anything special. She glanced over at their alarm clock. "I've got to go get ready, baby." 

He felt slightly lonely at the loss of body warmth on his own but picked up his phone and decided to check his Facebook. The first thing to show up was a picture of his brother and his fiancé which made Phil smile. The rest was just things Annalise had liked and old friends from school had uploaded. He never actually posted anything. He never had anything to say. Nothing was really worth broadcasting to a whole bunch of people he knew but weren't directly talking to him. He was too much of a personal person for that. 

Annalise kissed him goodbye and left fifteen minutes later. He'd figured getting up and making breakfast would be a good idea but he was too glued to the bed. He eventually gathered up the energy to stand up out of bed and plop in his contacts and start walking down the hall. Dan's door was ajar and out of instinct, Phil peered inside. Dan was sitting on top of his bed with only pajama pants. His hair was very curly when he hadn't straightened it, Phil learned. 

Dan was really thin. Phil always knew he was pretty skinny judging by his bony hands and that his cheekbones were always visible, but he didn't realize the full extent of it. He always thought he was just someone who didn't weigh a lot but never that he was unhealthy or malnourished. His ribcage was visible from his sides and top of his chest. Phil became rather worried and even though he knew it wouldn't help a whole lot in the long run, he decided to make a big breakfast for the both of them and getting a lot of protein and calories for dinner. 

He finally took his eyes off of his friend and went to the kitchen to start on breakfast. He grabbed eggs and microwavable bacon from the refrigerator and briefly worried about if Dan had any allergies but just opted to cook an excessive amount of food. He grabbed plenty of pans that unfortunately made quite the ruckus and turned on the stove. He haphazardly dropped in the eggs and threw the bacon in the microwave.

While cooking his sixth egg, he received a text from Dan that said "do you have a straightener?" Phil giggled a little bit at it and typed out "yes in my bathroom on the counter". He immediately heard footsteps upstairs but they seemed hesitant the more they progressed. He added "don't worry, you can just go into bathroom, it's totally fine. there's nothing you need to worry about" With that, the footsteps seemed more confident and finally became near silent as the bedroom door shut. The egg nearly burnt but at last breakfast was done.

About five minutes later, Dan came downstairs to see the copious amount of food. He now had on a black shirt and his hair was once again smooth and completely straight. Phil sort of missed his old hair but he obviously wasn't going to say that. There were pancakes and a whole bunch of eggs and a large plate full of bacon strips. Dan looked almost overwhelmed but Phil was just smiling.

"Good morning," he greeted his friend as he scanned the food with wide eyes. Dan turned around and absentmindedly responded, "Thanks, you too." He merely looked around and didn't move. It almost broke Phil's heart that he seemed so food deprived, but he was trying to help that all that he could.

"Well, sit down, there's plenty of food to go around. Annalise went out to eat with her sister," Phil grinned. Dan nodded and swallowed. They both sat down at the table and Phil automatically went for the pancakes and eggs. Dan cautiously took a pancake and Phil handed him the maple syrup and butter. Dan began slowly spreading the butter and weakly cutting the pancake.

"That's a lot of food, Phil. How long did it take to cook all of that?" Dan asked in a bit of shock as he poured syrup into the corner of his plate by the pieces of sliced pancake. 

"A little while, it wasn't bad though," Phil replied before sticking food into his mouth. 

"I'm sorry," Dan said. "Why did you cook so much?" 

"Not sure, just wanted to make sure everybody got enough to eat," Phil shrugged. Dan decided to let it go and just ate his food. Phil could've fed a stable with all that he made. Dan wondered if he made so much with the intention of feeding Annalise too but never asked. 

 

\------

 

Dan ended up eating four whole pancakes and three eggs. Phil had a lot of extras to throw away and plenty of kitchenware to clean up, but that didn't occupy his thoughts. He kept thinking about how he had seen Dan in such a vulnerable state considering he wasn't fully clothed and his hair was curly but worst of all that Phil saw all of it without his permission. Dan wasn't particularly bad looking at all, that wasn't the problem though. Dan's trust was far too important to him. 

He felt that a hot shower would be a nice way to calm down so he cleaned up rather lazily and hiked up the stairs. For whatever reason, their water took forever to heat up so he always liked to get a head start. It didn't make a lot of sense why their water was so slow to do so since they lived in a house in part of a rather nice neighborhood, but it wasn't a large problem by any means. He had really pretentious neighbors but he lived in a semi-detached house in the cheaper smaller part of the entire neighborhood. They didn't have a lawn, they just had nice pavement that was a shared driveway between them and the three other houses in their unit of sorts. 

He stuck his right hand under the water and felt its warmth spread around his fingers. He retracted his arm and began stripping down to get in. He pulled off his shirt from over his back and felt momentarily uncomfortable in that he had seen his friend in a similar state to his own earlier that morning. He dropped his pajama pants and picked up his pace until he was ready to step into the shower. He opened the glass doors to step in. 

The water was a bit too hot for his liking at first causing him to fiddle with the controls a bit. He could vaguely see himself reflecting off of the giant mirrors in above the countertops. They spanned over almost their entire walls respectively and faced right at the shower. The master bath was bigger than their bedroom but that was what pretty much sold Annalise on the house. He felt almost uncomfortable starring back at a blurry pale figure that he knew was his own nude, but it seemed to bring back that morning's initial rush of hormones.

He didn't feel like masturbating in the shower because he wasn't that turned on, he was just thinking a lot. The mirrors were so big, they showed almost the entire room except for the little toilet room off to the side. The countertops were as wide as the mirrors and could hold far too many things. You could easily stick a body on top. Phil never had particularly dirty thoughts but he'd wondered what it would be like to watch yourself have sex on top of one of them through the mirrors. He didn't think it could be that bad, just a little uncomfortable. He'd always done missionary he thought in a now bittersweet way so it wouldn't be a lot lot different. But no, whenever he tried to imagine Annalise or just a woman, his brain swapped her out with a blurred body a bit too similar to his own.

He finally stepped out after getting too frustrated with his brain and the little things it told him he wanted. He was even more upset that he knew that it wasn't like your brain could really lie to you, he obviously wanted _something_ like the image his brain kept presenting, he just didn't want to admit it. He felt it would be like just about every other odd thought, ignore it and deny it until it goes away. That's how he'd always dealt with his problems and he saw no reason why it wouldn't work this time.

He dried himself off but remained curled up in his towel like a shell from the outside world he would eventually have to participate in for nearly thirty minutes. He didn't really do anything, he just thought about things, whatever came to mimd. He also felt like he was overheating because the room was steamy and his skin had an unwanted pink tint and hot temperature. It really confused him as to how Annalise took scalding bubble baths with candles for three hours. Women really are amazing, he concluded. 

Birds slowly started ringing outside. There was still a sharp light from the window above the bathtub next to the shower facing him, but it was slowly becoming noon and he'd have to come out of the hole he'd built for himself on the marble top around the bathtub. His mother would always joke about how he could spend hours at a time in the bath or swimming pool and never get sick of it and then spend even longer wrapped up in a towel. He thought fondly of memories like that. 

His pupils were barely visible as he stared out into the bright nothingness that was the sunlight and blinds in front of him. His shoulders weren't covered by the towel and he briefly has the irrational thought of whether or not he could sunburn from his position in relation to the sun. Annalise sometimes used suntan lotion in the summer and had offered it to him at one point but he was content with his copy paper colored skin. He had pretty few body hairs too, he didn't know how a young college girl with boys everywhere went for him. Maybe Annalise was just special like that.

Finally, he threw the towel off of his body and wrapped it around his waist do he could dry his hair. He noticed that the color was fading and reminded himself to dye it again soon. He mentally thanked Annalise for buying a salon style hair dryer because it got the job done fast. His hair wasn't hard to dry, he was just impatient and didn't like all the noise cheap ones made. His mother once told him that all those chemicals would ruin your hair and he was still a little paranoid about going bald in his twenties.

Dan was sitting on his couch cross legged with the remote in his hand but with nothing playing on the television when Phil came downstairs. He had changed into some shorts and Phil never really realized how tall he actually was. His legs took up nearly the entire couch. Phil was fairly tall himself, but Dan was just limbs and harsh angles. He was tanner than Phil ever would be, his skin and his hair and eyes all seemed to match to some extent. It was a nice combination.

Dan glanced over at his friend and greeted him quietly. Phil smiled and sat on the couch across from the one Dan was occupying. "You can watch whatever you'd like," he told Dan. He ran his thumbs over the buttons on the remote unsurely before turning on the cable box and tv. He always felt so uncomfortable using other people's things no matter how welcome he was. He settled on some dumb animated show for adults just to spare himself the embarrassment of actually choosing something since everyone likes bad adult comedy.

Phil's phone vibrated. It was a text from Annalise that said she'd be home by four. Phil wasn't exactly sure what to do to pass time for four hours. "Hey, do you want to go grab lunch or something?" He offered. Dan shook his head and laughed.

"No thanks, I think I've had enough food for a lifetime." Phil accepted that and returned to contemplated ideas. He glanced over at the shelves that the tv was sitting on. 

"I have a Playstation 2," he stated. Dan looked immediately intrigued. 

 

\------

 

They ended up spending four whole hours playing a Sonic the Hedgehog game. Dan had briefly commented on how they were actually twelve years old which was even funnier thinking about when Phil's wife came home to see two grown men sitting on the couch yelling at each other about video games. She rolled her eyes and chuckled a bit before taking her stuff upstairs. They continued their shouting but a bit quieter before they laughed so hard that they decided it was time to stop playing.

"You're such shit at this game," Dan jokingly elbowed Phil. That reignited Phil's laughter but it was even worse this time. He had migrated to the same couch as Dan so he could see the tv correctly. He leaned over into his friend's lap and quickly brought his head back up because he didn't want to make Dan uncomfortable. He didn't seem to mind but Phil was always trying his hardest to respect his personal boundaries.

Annalise came back downstairs as they started turning the game off. "Have you guys eaten at all?" she asked in a very motherly way. Dan became more self conscious once again since had started speaking but he was definitely more relaxed than before. 

"Yes because _someone_ made enough breakfast food to feed a family of eighteen," he joked. Phil rolled his eyes and nudged him with his elbow. Annalise raised her right eyebrow before smiling and walking over to kiss her husband on the cheek. He hugged her and they stayed like that for a few seconds before her back started hurting and Phil remembered he was still sharing a couch with someone. They both let go and she said she's was going to go read a book and retreated to their bedroom. 

Dan let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He was visibly paler and looked generally uneasy. "Are you alright?" Phil asked anxiously. He nodded and said that he was fine. Phil wasn't totally sure but didn't push it any further. If someone doesn't want to talk about something or doesn't have anything to say, you don't bother them. 

 

\------

 

Sunday went by with nothing really happening and soon enough it was the start of a new week and Dan was still waiting for his air conditioning to get fixed. One advantage to staying with Phil was that he had a free ride to work though. On Monday morning they piled into the car and Phil frantically turned on the heating. It was pouring rain outside and they were freezing their asses off and they hadn't even been outside except to get in the car.

Dan immediately began plucking through CDs and just threw in the third one he touched because his hands were cold. He shoved them into the hot air and Phil started laughing because his hair was being propelled by the fan. "You look like a model, Dan," he joked. Dan lazily flipped him off before quickly putting his hand back were it was. Phil turned the key and began trying to pull out of the driveway without hitting anyone's kids. No kids were out but he was always looking out for the safety of others. 

"I forgot how fucking big your neighborhood is," Dan leaned to the side to look out the window. He swore half of the ride to work was just getting out of the gates. There was always nice landscaping along the roads and houses with pointed roofs so they looked like mini castles. It was Annalise's parents idea, they were the ones who originally started paying rent. It was the kind of neighborhood where old white guys went out golfing each morning and their wives went out to go snort oxycontin before dropping their kids off at school. 

They arrived at work a little bit late but no one seemed to miss them. Dan immediately sunk into his cubicle and Phil nearly ran into his office. He plopped down into his chair and spun it around to turn on his monitor so fast he could've gotten whiplash. 

"You excited there, Phil?" PJ asked sarcastically. Phil scoffed and logged in to check his email as soon as his computer would allow him. He hated being late even if it was only a few minutes. He scanned the subjects of the emails and senders before opening one regarding the Italian client and his pizzeria. He got excited thinking that maybe the deal was finally about to go through but no, unfortunately that was the opposite of what was happening. Phil still really didn't understand the IRS as much as he should've for his job, but apparently his client had backed out due to some extreme debt.

His mood immediately dropped and he felt like something heavy had been dropped from his throat to his stomach. He turned his chair around and let out a large breath. "Hey, PJ," he said.

"Yeah?" his coworker said from his position messing with a rubik's cube. He never really did a whole lot on his computer throughout the day. 

"Are you doing anything tonight?" Phil asked.

"No," PJ quirked his eyebrow.

"Great," Phil smiled. "Want to go do something?"

 

\------

 

He wasn't totally sure how it happened, but somehow he, Dan, PJ, one of PJ's friends, and even Brian and one of his friends were out in an empty K-Mart parking lot at eleven at night. It was pitch dark outside and all Phil told Annalise was that he and a few office friends were going out to do something. He actually didn't know what they were doing and that was partially why they invited Brian. He didn't want to get in any trouble but he was off his head that night.

They all grabbed some sort of alcoholic beverage earlier so they'd be loose enough to do really whatever they wanted but nothing totally crazy like beheading an obese couple with a child in a stroller or an elderly woman. Brian and his mate were also on a trip and wearing drag so Phil supposed it could add a little more adventure to whatever the hell they were doing. Currently, all they had was PJ's car (that they most certainly couldn't puke in because he had children he had to transport with it) that they somehow managed to stuff grown people, some six feet tall, in and a broken navigation system. 

"So, what should we do?" Phil asked no one in particular. They all just sort of hummed and waited.

"There's a fireworks shop down the street," Brian said and whacked his friend in the head while pointing backward to nothing except the window. Phil nodded.

"Sounds good," he declared and they hopped out of the car. Getting out of the car was mostly just colliding bodies without falling over and it made PJ's Taurus look sort of like a clown car. They all looked so stupid, one of them had flaming red hair, one was wearing a wig and a dress, another had rubber pants on, PJ was still in his work clothes and Dan and Phil looked like they'd been spit back out from 2007. Despite all of that, they all walked down the street with drunken confidence and the lack of awareness to know how dumb they looked. No one was really outside to look at them though.

They stumbled into the fireworks shop where a tired overweight man with a neck beard stood at checkout. The store resembled the gardening center of Walmart more than than what any of them expected to see when buying explosives. None of them seeming to have any clue as to why fireworks were legal and why they were just being conveniently sold but there was no reason to be complaining. Brian set off down one aisle and immediately fell into it. His legs seemed more like three foot sausages now that he was high and it didn't seem like platform boots would be helping that at all. 

They all seemed to part ways except for Dan and Phil. They wandered around, not really looking for anything because they knew nothing about fireworks. Dan attempted to read the labels in vain and simply glanced at things and grabbed them to look at them. Phil stood behind him and practically hung off of his back and hummed in agreement whenever Dan would pick up something. His arms were draped over the younger man's chest and Dan never complained once. Apparently the mix of alcohol and stress made Phil very touchy and clingy. He wasn't really that aware of what he was doing either. 

Dan grabbed some sparklers and met up with Brian's friend who was grinning and holding a can of something that neither of them could identify. One by one they all gathered in front of the third aisle and combined what they'd gotten to purchase. The clerk eyed them down and asked who was paying for everything. Phil pulled out his wallet and proceeded to buy $300 worth of pyrotechnics. He smiled and they all walked out once again.

They returned to PJ's car and were now confused as to where to set them off. They were all scattered across the space surrounding the vehicle but nome of them were actually in it. 

"We could just set them off right here," PJ's friend proposed as he looked at the vast area that was the parking lot. They all agreed that was a good idea and set out on their journey to blow shit up. It started off with things like PJ setting off a Roman candle in the center of the parking lot where the asphalt started sinking in. Then his friend did the same and then they made a game out of it that didn't really have any set rules.

Dan ignited his sparkler and started jokingly chasing Phil with it. He yelped a bit and tried to avoid being set aflame. Finally the sparkler went out and Phil jogged back over to where Dan was. There was a whistle from across the parking lot. It was Brian's friend who had a sack full of smoke bombs. He was standing by a car when they realized it had to be the vehicle of who ever had the unfortunate job of working at K-Mart into the wee hours of the night. He dropped them behind the wheels and ran away like they were about to explode on him. Phil felt sort of bad for the guy but they were having a bit too much fun. 

They all returned to the center where Brian and PJ and his plus one were standing in a triangle with Roman candles. They looked prepared to set them off so Dna and Phil stepped back quite a bit. Phil resumed hanging his arms over Dan's shoulders so they were far closer than they should've been.

"I like your shirt," Phil whispered into Dan's ear while tugging a bit at the fabric. 

"Thanks," Dan tilted his head back a bit and replied with the same amount of volume. All of the fireworks went off almost at once (PJ's was lagging a bit) and the whole sky lit up as far as they could see. It wasn't technically illegal what they were doing but it wouldn't surprise them if the K-Mart employee decided to call the cops on them.

 

\------

 

Dan and Phil returned back home at around 1 a.m. Apparently if there was a god, he was working in their favor because Annalise was already asleep. They drunkenly walked up the stairs, almost crawling at times. Dan hobbled into the guest room leaving Phil to try to open his bedroom door without waking his wife. He was far too out of it to consider the fact that he'd gotten far too personal for Annalise's liking with someone else and she didn't even know about it. It hadn't registered with him at all. He changed into his pajamas and crawled into bed right next to his wife.

**Author's Note:**

> yes, it's short but that's just because i want to upload it. i know i spent most of the time talking about his love for his wife but that's due to the fact that i've been around newly married couples and they're fucking annoying. plus i need it to seem overly emotional, you feel me? anyway, i'll try to not stop after the second chapter which i have a strong habit of doing. bonus points if you get who brian is. i was basically just desperate to put in someone i know in there. i’m seriously not super interested in a lot of youtubers so i had to put together something that entertained me. basically i did something that pisses me off when other fic writers do it. i hate me by the way.


End file.
